quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
