yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
