Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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