At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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