dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
