Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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