none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
