im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
