Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Everclear isn't food dammit
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
