I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
