the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
