I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
