You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
