her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
