I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize