Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
