My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
