oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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