did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize