There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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