i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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