I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
