Christians are straight up FREAKS
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
