oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
