i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
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