Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
