On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
