so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
