pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
