Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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