It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
