Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
