Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
