So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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