RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
