Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you didnt know i had herpes?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize