Someone shit on the floor
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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