Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
