At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
How naked do you want me to be?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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