i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Randomize