I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
