dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
