I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
