I wish I could teleport
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
