i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
