he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
