my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
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