Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
