ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
