I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
