Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize