I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
