She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
