hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
