You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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