Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
