Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
