I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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