I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
