So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
