Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
