My hand turned me down
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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