That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i came on her dog
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
