my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
