Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
