dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
