I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
