Have you finally orgasmed yet?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
