I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
