i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
