I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
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