C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
