shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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