I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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