we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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