someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
