that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
