She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Randomize
