I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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