Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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