Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
