just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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