I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
