Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
