based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
