Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
