I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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