Cold hands, warm shart.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
