I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
My dad is sitting where you rode me
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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