You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
