i always forget guys have bellybuttons
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
